Yes, I know it's been a minute since I've blogged...like an entire year. But, I have a good excuse, I've been working on book two ( I know I said that last year too but these things take time). Plus, I make sure my books are of my actual experiences and not theory. What I mean by that is that I provide exercises and offer solutions for life experiences. However, if they haven't worked for me then I'm not going to give you a bunch of cliches and "good feelings" that don't do ish.
Now last year you couldn't tell me nothing. I thought I was going to bang this next book out, go on tour, have the women that have read my book be like "OMG, it's my Ma'at, Ma'at your book is the bomb...you should be on Oprah! Well, that didn't quite happen. I'm still working on the book because in the past year, I've had some profound growth. So, no, I'm not still dealing with Craig and 'Nem and any type of relationship stuff. My husband and I are solid as a rock. But that Funky Little Energy has taken on a new form. It hit me seemingly out of nowhere and I'm not sure I was prepared. My FLE took the form of having me deal with some straight up high school crap. It's been a minute since I've been in high school so I was blindsided. I do remember it though and I thought with all of my training and accolades that I would be able to maneuver through it smoothly. Shhhiiiii! I ain't neva seen nothing like this before except in high school. How did I get here? I felt so disappointed in myself because I couldn't believe that I attracted such a mess and knowing full well, if I attracted it then it's me at some point, either what I am right now, what I will be, or what I have been. So I searched myself and realized that it was my high school self but why? That was the worse time in my life. My mother moved me from Chicago where I was born and raised to Virginia Beach. I don't need to explain the huge transition. Anyway, I didn't like myself at that time, I didn't fit in, and I couldn't stand my environment. Because I didn't like myself and didn't fit in, I would just start conflict with other people. I would only feed them enough information for them to get mad at the other person and then watch the entire thing blow up. Well many, many, many years later, I get to view the same thing and as I watched it, I had many emotions, anger, pity, judgement, disappointment, sympathy, and despair. Now as I went through these emotions I evaluated myself and actually have come up with some pretty good techniques in dealing with them (y'all will see that in the next book). The one that wasn't named was love.
My mentor Dr. Jewel Pookrum told me recently that I need to look into self love more intently to see what I'm missing. I have to admit that I was a little offended because (with my hands on my hips and my neck rolling), I don't have no issues with self love. I got rid of that a long time ago. Well what she was talking about was not the obvious type of self love. I KNEW to my core that I loved myself inside and out but guess what I had a problem really loving...that which I attracted. Now I mistook pity and sympathy for love but they were not. I could not find true love for me in what I attracted. I had successfully neutralized my emotions but still couldn't find the love for me in it. I needed to go back and love my little 17 year old self who was a total unhappy mess. And how I came to love her was by looking at how she made me be who I really am. I have put me through every test imaginable and forced me to decide that I'm gonna be Maat em Maakheru Amen (the true voice of Ma'at or the Correct sound of Ma'at) no matter what. I love me because I was unreasonable and didn't play by rules, so I forced me to stand unmovable on my square because my 17 year old self had no boundaries. I love me because I was a pro at controlling you by controlling the people and information around you so that folks that used to be cool with you are now looking at you sideways. Well this forced me to really work my light so this little control trick would backfire on me and have folks questioning the source instead of my integrity. I love me because I make the present me be her divine self at all times because I gotta a lot of things to focus on that have absolutely nothing to do with my 17 year old drama and I know if I let my guard down, I'm in trouble!
In my upcoming book, I will be explain how to use the different functions of your womb (yes, reproduction is just one), how melanin works in the womb and some cool ways to remember how melanin works, the difference between being a god vs an analyzer, light vs power, hustler vs messenger, and my story as a rogue high priestess. Now how can I do all of this while dealing with my little 17 year old self? But I had to get with her because she was holding up a lot of progress for me and she was very important in helping me get this self love thing straight. I am thankful for the experience and the ability to see it clearly. Now I can take flight. Holla!
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