Keisha and 'Nem

Believe it or not, the brothas have been some of the biggest fans of the book Whatz In Your Womb. They have owned up to being Craig and ‘Nem at one time or another, but they are trying to find out what to do about Keisha ‘nem! We know this ain’t one sided. Some of us sistas have been Keisha and ‘nem. Yeah I’m talking about the sista who goes through his cell phone calling numbers, slashes tires, burns down houses, and secretly follows dude to see where he’s going---all to find out he wasn’t doing anything and was devoted to you. Or the one who has dude on lock with her emotional insecurities so he can’t do anything she doesn’t approve of and dude is miserable and she can’t even see it. Finally, the Keisha ‘nem that can’t let go after the relationship is over and is still on dude trying to make him pay for what he did. These brothas not only want to get out of Keisha and ‘Nem’s womb, they want to get Keisha of their jock! So I’ve been asked by the brothas for my perspective on this. However, since, I am a woman and may have played the role of Keisha and ‘nem a time or two in my life, I can only speak from a woman’s perspective. But, I have surveyed some brothas and asked how does it feel to still have your energy in a sista’s womb and you don’t want to be there? They said energetically they feel it in their thoughts. They said they feel like the sista still has some control over them even though they are not in the relationship. This has even interfered with them trying to go into another relationship. I do have a meditation for the brothas to perform to release themselves from the sista’s womb but it is too entailed to put in the blog. Email me at maat@whatzinyourwomb.com and I will be happy to send it to you.

In the meantime, check out this quiz from the book which can help you determine what type of woman you are and the best match for you. For the brothas, it will help you determine what type of brotha you are and your best match. Just answer the questions based on how you would want your woman to respond. This can help us cut down on some of this Craig and Keisha ‘Nem drama!



What Type of Woman are You?


As I stated previously when talking about how my father set me up, I realized that “I” was the common denominator in all of my failed relationships. So, I began to analyze who “I” was and what “I” really needed in a mate. I am one of those down Sistas who will deal with a brotha on his potential versus his kinetic energy. This is both a gift and my downfall because I choose the wrong type of men for the type of Sista I am. I came up with 3 categories of Sistas and 3 categories of Brothas. What I discovered is that most of us that have these crazy relationships are not with our correct category and those relationships that work have the best match. We’ll get to the matching later but here are the categories and the pros and cons of each:


Three Types of Sistas:


The Playa Tamer – A lot of us wish we were this Sista but this takes divinely given talent. We all probably have known or have a girlfriend that has this talent. This is the type of Sista that can get with one of those celebrity and playa types and make him put a few carats on her finger and be time enough for him because she’s a playa herself.


Pros:
• She does the heart-breaking before he does
• knows what she wants and will not settle
• Men will do anything for her


Cons:
• May lose a good man because of her rules
• Secretly insecure
• Superficial


The Man Worshipper – This Sista is the kind that is down with her man whether they are eating beans out of a can or a five course meal. If she believes in her man she will use her resources to support him and his dreams because she knows one day he’s going to take care of her.


Pros:
• Low maintenance- can take care of herself and everybody else
• Generous and understanding
• Thankful and appreciative


Cons:
• Gets taken advantage of and under-appreciated
• Settles for less
• Secretly insecure

Diva in Distress – This Sista needs to have a man who takes care of her and treads lightly because she can be highly emotional. She can be a good mate once she trusts that the brotha has her back.


Pros:
• Gets what she wants and makes sure she is taken care of
• Her man will do anything for her
• Does not settle


Cons:
• Insecure
• May under-appreciate her man
• Self-centered

Quiz: What Type of Sista Are You?

1. You meet a fine, charismatic, intelligent brotha and then you find out he ain’t got no job. What do you do?
A. Cut him—he ain’t got no job
B. Talk to him some more and find out what his plans are to make money
C. You are not worried about him having a job; he’s so intelligent and charismatic, it’s only temporary


2. You find out your guy is cheating, what do you do?
A. Leave him and never talk to him again
B. Leave him, but try to understand why he did it
C. Devise a plan so sinister that he will never do it again

3. Your man has a divisive Baby Mama, What do you do?
A. Baby what? – I don’t deal with men with children
B. Try to make peace with the Sista
C. He better fix it or else


4. You and your mate have had a long hard day and need to unwind. What do you do?
A. Prepare dinner and make the house look nice
B. Give him a minute to get himself together so he can massage your feet
C. Jump his bones!


5. Your family members are laughing and joking about some of your more sensitive childhood dramas in front of your man. What do you do?
A. Laugh, that was funny
B. Make sure he’s not paying attention to them because you are whispering in his ear telling him what you are going to do to him when yall get out of here
C. He better not laugh!


6. Your Man’s family members are laughing and joking about some of his sensitive childhood dramas in front of you. What do you do?
A. Laugh, that was funny
B. Make sure he’s not paying attention to them because you are whispering in his ear telling him what you are going to do to him when yall get out of here
C. OMG, I’m in trouble for laughing. I didn’t know he was sensitive about this
D. Why am I here? Can we leave?


7. In the bedroom…
A. He don’t know what hit him
B. He has no idea that sometimes, I don’t get an orgasm.
C. He better take some Viagra or something and get it together
D. I can take it or leave it


8. Pregnancy and children…
A. I’m not messing up this body. He already got kids
B. If I even think, he thinks I’m fat, all hell is gonna break loose up in here!
C. I really got to get rid of this baby fat so he’ll look at me like he used to


Answer Key:
A=T, B=D, C=S
A=D, B=S, C=T
A=D,B=S, C=T
A=S,B=D,C=T
A=S,B=T, C=D
A=D,B=T,C=S,D=D or T
A=T or D,B=S,C=D,D=S or D
A=T,B=D,C=S


Count how many Ts, Ds, or Ss you have. For questions 6 or 7 if you answered a question that can be multiple letters, add to your count the letter which you have the most. For example if you have 4 Ts and 3 Ss, then add a T to your score if you answered D for question 6.

If you have mostly Ts – you are a Playa Tamer
If you have mostly Ds – you are a Diva in Distress
If you have mostly Ss – you are a Man Worshipper


The Three Types of Brothas:

The Playa. I don’t need to say much about this guy; we all have his card. He just wants to hit it and quit it or just won’t commit. This is the most difficult guy to pen down for a relationship. Unless you are that special one who knows how to tame the playa beware or you are in for heartache.


• His best match – The Playa Tamer
• Maybe match – The Diva in Distress
• Child, don’t do it to yourself – Man Worshipper

The King. Don’t let the name get to you … this guy is okay. He can be a good husband and mate overall but requires for the most part that you devote yourself to him. This is not so bad if that’s the kind of Sista you are and ain’t nuthin wrong with that.


• His best match – Diva in Distress – she will make him or break him
• Maybe match – Man Worshipper - it just depends on the guy. He may take advantage of this one
• Honey, please – The Playa Tamer - she wouldn’t give him the time of day


The Woman Worshipper. This is the nice guy who is like the brotha in the McDonald’s commercial with his daughter who asks him why he does the things he does and his answer is always because it makes Mommy and her happy. This brotha loves to be in love and loves to provide, care for, and worship his woman. His first objective is to make sure his Queen is happy and he will do whatever it takes to make sure she is. All he needs is a little appreciation and reciprocation in return.


• Best Match – The Man Worshipper – If only they would stop choosing the wrong type, they could worship each other
• Okay Match – Diva in Distress - This would work as long as she’s not too needy and can show him a little appreciation from time to time
• Okay Match – Playa Tamer – This would work if she is reformed from her old ways and is tired of playing games to get a brotha straight


Excerpt from Whatz In Your Womb? Ma’at em Maakheru 2010 © All rights reserved.

So what type of sista or brotha are you? Do you agree with your assessment? For more information check out the book Whatz In Your Womb? Feel free to drop some knowledge on the blog.